You probably wondered why I was a little less active this week, and maybe you also noticed that I moved some of the regular posts to different days. I took a breather this week, and decided to not stress as much as I usually do. I focused on things that make me happy, and took a bit of time for myself, which meant there was less time to write posts. Well, the texts I did publish were a bit more elaborate. Did you notice?
I also decided to not write a Sunday text and to post this instead. More on that below under ‘thoughts‘.
I’ll keep it low-key next week, with focus on quality over quantity. We have a pretty awesome shooting on the agenda for early next week. I also wanted to show you another change in my flat: the balcony project is finished, and I’ll bring you over for a peek! The biggest change, however, concerns the blog itself: on Monday, my first intern ever is going to start work! I’m really excited myself, and looking forward to it big time!
It’s been coming for a while. Over the past couple of weeks, I felt more and more drained, and at the end of last week I reached a point where everything ground to a hold. I went so far beyond my limits that I had nothing left to give.
For the first time, I ran into a real blockade.
I felt a bit like squeezed sponge that had already yielded the very last drop. I was barely able to think straight at that point, incapable of forming proper sentences, and overwhelmed by everything. Sure, that sometimes happens, I’ve had my share of lo moments and bad days, but nothing like this, ever.
I felt like keeping it to myself how much of an effort it was on some days to prepare the blog posts, but I no longer have that option. Paradoxically, in all this, I could not escape the compelling urge to work every day: whenever I was offline, my life felt so empty. I know how sad that sounds. So last week I was forced to take a breather, which is why I didn’t post every day. Usually I announce slower weeks on the blog in advance, but my system crashed unexpectedly and I was not able to pull through to the end of the week anymore.
At some point I was so desperate that I burst into tears out of the blue, unable to control my frustration. My blog frustrated me.
That’s not how it should be.
My blog should be a source of contentment, not a burden. It should be a space for beautiful things, a sphere of inspiration. The reality was I caught myself slipping into self pity more and more often. Of course I was also ashamed to complain, with all that I have.
The truth is, no one forced this situation on me, it was all my decision. The only one pushing so relentlessly was myself.
As the fashion blogger carousel spun faster and faster, I started to be scared that I’d simply fall off. That I’d end up as one of those faces that no one remembers a year later. I withstood this pressure for a long time, but it got the better of me. And as I already felt the dams breaking, I continued, relentlessly. Now I know that the others were right and I was wrong. I do need a break. Fuck it, that’s exactly what I’ll do.
Here’s what this means for the blog for the next couple of weeks. I got inspired by Jessie’s ‘Zen Friday’ and will start my own ‘Zen Thursday’, meaning I’ll reserve Thursday’s for my private life, at least as much as possible. I’m also going to take a bit of a summer ‘break’ sort of thing, which means I’ll reduce the regular publication schedule of 7-8 posts to ‘only’ 3-4. For me that means a reduction of the workload by half, something at least vaguely resembling a holiday mood and a break from my normal rhythm. Maybe there won’t be a Sunday post every single Sunday, maybe not always Beauty on Tuesday, etc. That said, I will of course continue posting in these popular sections, just with a little less pressure for the time being. That should give me time to sort out my stuff without fear of falling short of my daily targets, and you guys continue to stay up to date.
No58 in Berlin-Neukölln
They do AMAZING breakfast: tasty, healthy, vegan!