photos: Theresa Kaindl
location: Swarovski Kristallwelten
Right now I can’t quite tell whether I opened a new chapter in 2017, or whether I started a new book altogether. One thing I can say for sure: 2017 was a turbulent year. It was exhausting. It was crazy. It was full of surprises. I reached my limits, physically and emotionally, and they expanded in the process. It was tough, but it was worth it.
If someone would have told me a year ago that I’d be where I am today, only one year later, I would not have believed it. This year took so many surprising turns and presented so many opportunities that I’m genuinely wondering whether all of this has really happened. Am I about to wake up any moment now? Someone pinch me, please!
But let’s start at the beginning.
Exactly one year ago I was clinking glasses with friends in Cape Town, and my resolutions were pretty basic.
I wanted to do more in in 2017 than ‚just‘ blogging. I wanted to realize more of my own projects, maybe start a family. I felt a desire for change. And change I got. A show on Pro7, workshops at the AMD, numerous talks and many of my own projects coming to fruition. There is a lot I am proud of, looking back. On the professional level, I hit the bullseye this year. But the changes swept through my private life as well, one above all others.
After 5 years of being in a relationship together, my ex-boyfriend and I separated.
It was a difficult decision for us. We fought as hard as we could. You don’t just throw away 5 years. But what can I say? In the end it just did not work anymore. Not at all. It hurt. But coming to a point where I was able to make that decision hurt more than the actual separation, which turned out to be liberating.
Back to square one. The deck was to be shuffled again. A new life.
Not a new city this time.
I decided to throw myself into work. I told my manager: book me solid, fill my calendar with dates, trips and cooperations. I wanted work to envelop me, to lose myself in it so all other thoughts would be drowned out.
I think that was the moment when I lost control.
Actually, it felt more like someone snatched the reins out of my hands, and all I could do was chase them and trying to get them back somehow.
I’m generally a pretty organized person (within my limitations, of course), but suddenly I lost control over my job, my life, my schedule… and chaos took over. Nothing wrong with a bit of chaos, sometimes it can be a productive force. But this was too much. I became less and less professional, increasingly distracted. Until I simply gave up.
This has never happened to me, ever before, but towards the end of this year I simply gave up. I continued to function somehow (more or less), but I cared less and less. And that is the worst thing that could have happened: I lost my passion.
And passion is what keeps my blog alive!
In the past couple of years, my blog was always at the center of my attention. This year it become one component among many. I did everything. A TV show format here, a talk there, a little Instagram, permanent travel, meetings and appointments, and of course the podcast. I was looking for a new passion. And that was important. I have grown, changed, as a human being as well as blogger. And as the year drew to its close I realized more and more that I was really lacking passion for the blog. This is a top priority in my life now: to get my life in order and to rediscover passion. I know it is there, maybe it was never lost, but it is buried under a huge chaos, a mountain I need to climb first, to get a new perspective on it all.
That’s one of the reasons why I am really looking forward to the days and weeks ahead. I will take the time to sort out my situation, to get my life in order. I want to re-establish a stable framework to keep it all going. With that in mind, I want to change the following things in 2018:
So I close my eyes to old ends and open my heart to new beginnings.
I would like to expand my team.
There are still way too many tasks that I could easily delegate but that still I take care of myself, so I decided to start looking for a new team member to support me with my daily work. If you’re interested reach out here and send me your application.
I need a new layout.
Part of the reason why blogging stopped being fun is because I’m so annoyed by my layout. I need something fresh and innovative, and for once I am going to realize the new look together with a pro who will help me to set up a genuinely kick-ass blog! I’m looking forward!
I want to do fewer commercial campaigns.
This is actually one of the most important points on my list. I need to say ’no‘ more often. I simply over-stretched myself. I thought I’d be able to work it all out somehow, but I really reached my limits in this respect. I accepted too many projects because I loved them, even though they didn’t bring much money, and said yes to others because I wanted to realize big campaigns. It’s a little known fact that the ‚own‘ projects need to be financed upfront somehow – by me. The cost factor is huge. To structure this aspect of my work better is another big point in my list. I will take on fewer cooperations for my blog and invest the time in other topics and projects. What kind of blog posts would you like to read here?
I have so much stuff that I can’t bring all to the flea market. I have a huge desire to clean up, to get rid of stuff I don’t need, to free myself. I have so much I simply don’t need, and would like to sell, give away and donate the bulk of it. That’s good for my soul and for my flat, which I also intend to redecorate completely this year, now that my ex-boyfriend has moved out. I have tons of ideas, and I’m itching to get started. This will be my pet project for the start of the new year. Out with the old, make room for the new.
Develop my style.
I definitely feel I have a clear line in my style, but I have a burning desire to stand out more again. All too often this year I opted for the comfy choice, and I feel I didn’t step out of my comfort zone enough. Something to change this year. I want to experiment more, and hopefully to inspire more!
Realize more major projects and keep pushing my limits
I have so many plans it’s crazy, especially in terms of traveling!! I want to visit far away destinations again, anc check out locations that are off the beaten fashion blogger track. Exotic countries, maybe even a bit of danger. Most of all I want to shoot photos like no fashion blogger before me – even at the cost of risk. I am planning to blow your minds this year.
It was all going so well with the post categories on this blog – until this year. Somehow I just didn’t manage to stick to them this year, which also means that a bunch of pretty good ideas somehow fell through thr cracks. I hope to change this in 2018. I’m planning to do more interviews, more beauty tutorials and of course also some funny outtakes.
Youtube – For Real
This was actually planned for 2017, but then I lost my partner and I had to bin all the videos we shot. Well, 2018 is a blank canvas, and I’ll give it another go. It’s really time to do more videos! I am bursting with ideas and can’t wait to get this off the ground. Now I only need the right partner…
9. I’d love to speak more, publicly
If you know me, you know how much I love to talk. But on stage? That used to be a nightmare for me! Well, things have changed, I enjoy being on stage so much now, be it as a speaker or as part of a discussion panel. I’d love to do more of it, and am very open to the idea of doing guest lectures as well. Who knows, maybe there’s an opportunity or two waiting for me this year.
10. Own Product Lines
Yes, you read that right! I would love to start my own product line, but I’m still a bit unsure what to start with. Clothes? Jewelry? Accessories? What do you think? I mean, I know I have a thing for shoes…
One of the reasons why I am looking forward to 2018 is because the new year will provide plenty of opportunities to put what I learned in 2017 into action. That said, apart from all the things I hope to improce, there are also quite a few aspects of the old year that I am really proud of. Four points, to be precise. I’m not great at blowing my own horn, but I’ll take this space to express a few positive points in the conscious effort to improve. Sometimes I have to let myself be proud, without focussing on what I could have done better.
1 Year of BBG!
I am super proud to say that this was my first year with continuous exercise! I really managed to stick with the BBG programme for the entirety of the year. The only interruption occured during a bunch of turbulent weeks, or when I was ill. For the largest part of the year I trained three times a week, and I am over the moon with the result. I am fitter than ever before, and I feel more attractive than I ever have. I finally found the right kind of exercise, and I have never felt so good in my skin.
By nature, I am not someone who is super confident in front of a camera. Nor do I feel particularly self-assured when all attention is on me. But of course these are central aspects to my job! Over the past few years I worked a lot on my confident appearance, and this year I actually managed to perform well and natural in front ot cameras. I used to be a little stiff, but I think I got the knack now. Makes me super proud, especially because it was such a long way to get here :)
I think a great art director was lost in me. This year I managed to realize extremely awesome projects, and I am very happy with what we achieved, be it the many cool shootings, the podcast or all the traveling. Now, at the turn of the year, I can honestly say: I did some pretty amazing shit this year.
I’ve become a better person.
This one may be worth a separate blog post, but the short version is this: I am a much more positive person than I used to be, much more honest and much more empathic. I am really turning into the human being I want to be, and that – above everything else – makes me proud!
365 new days.
365 new chances.