Late Night Thoughts


…and then there are days like these.
Out of the blue, they hit you like a punch in the gut, and you’re suddenly aware how a timid tear cruises down your cheek. First just one, but then the dam breaks. And before you know it you’re struggling not to drown in this flood, as exhaustion, frustration, down-heartedness wash over you, envelop you. How to get on top of all these feelings?

Everything is too much in those moments. It breaks in, over your head, and you feel too weak to fight it. Giving up does not seem like an option. But neither does getting in the ring to fight. There’s no way ahead, and none back. You are stuck. You are  caught in this downward spiral.

Yes, those days exist.

And there is always a morning after.

I wake up.

Like every single morning, my bed is the most comfortable place there is in the whole wide world. Two cuddly cats lay at my feet. I decide to snuggle up to my boyfriend, to hide from the world and the day for just a few moments longer. Just a few moments. The peacefulness of such mornings makes me happier than anything else in the world.

You have three options in life: give up, give in or give everything.

Yesterday evening I tried to feel happiness through gratitude. I reminded myself of how thankful I am for the good things in life. Thankful for my health, my loved ones, our living situation. I am thankful for the people in my life, the people who like me. I am thankful for my job and the opportunities it opens up to me.And still, knowing all this, feeling it as truth, I had difficulties to reach a place of inner happiness. All everything I have was overshadowed by the frustration and exhaustion of the moment. I simply was not able to be truly thankful for the good in my life. I saw my life through a lens of dark tones.

The truth is, we don’t always wake up the morningafter with our worries washed away, but at least they’re often less heavy. Evena grey November morning is a hopeful beginning. I am ready to get into the ringagain. After all, the fight’s not over yet.

Even the stones placed in one’s path can be made into something beautiful.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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November 25, 2018
Category - personal
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