If you’re sad, add more lipstick and attack.
I scroll through my feed and feel myself crumbling on the inside.
Everyone seems to be on holiday, bronzing their bikini bodies and eating healthy food. People are meeting up for brunch, for lunch, for a dip in the ocean. And I sit at home, my dinner date has canceled, it rains, and I’m stuffing myself with potato chips. Am I frustrated? You bet.
I know full well that everyone’s real lives are much fuller with moments like these than with beach experiences, but still, I feel like a loser. I feel bad because my life seems too normal. What the actual hell is going on?
I can’t get on top of the things I need to do, my inbox is overflowing, I make mistakes with my bank transfers and my fridge is empty. I do not really feel ready foe the bikini, I would love to travel but am scared that even more work will pile up. I do not enjoy my own company.
I got that
I want to roll up and forget everything, I want to stop feeling that I am not enough. Instead I make the mistake to scroll through my feed. On the one hand negative news headlines on Facebook. Terror threats everywhere, another attack, and there seems to be no end in sight. On the other hand love, peace and harmony on Instagram.
But where is the middle ground?
Where do people who want to feel realness get their fix, where do they meet likeminded souls? Is there a network that will make me feel ok the way I am? Is there a virtual space that is more than a platform to ‘see and be seen’, a place where I can just be? Even if that means I am crouching on the couch, shoving chips into my face because I failed with my gluten free dairy free diet?
Overthinking kills your happiness.
So, I decided to share this moment with you. And alas, I am not alone. Everyone has their low points once in a while, but it seems no one is writing about it. No one likes to admit that they feel like losers from time to time, no one wants to be seen as weak or considered boring. Instead we only show our best side, in the hope to compete. But isn’t it at least as nice to know that we are not alone with our imperfections, our failures, our frustrations and weaknesses?
Your feedback really built me up and made me believe that I am not as inferior as I felt in that moment. There may not be a dedicated virtual space for us to let our guards down and be ourselves, but there are so many people out there who feel just like I do, just like you do. And to not be alone with it all is what makes it bearable.